Jo and Taz's Adventures In Time and Space
by Raging-Rambo-2006
Summary: Best friends Jo and Taz encounter a certain Time Lord and then set about causing mayhem and mishchief...While the Doctor is powerless to stop them and then to make things worse, they completely take over the TARDIS!
1. Chapter 1

Jo and Taz's Adventures In Time and Space Part One...

Jo: Hee hee hee WE'RE BACK!!!  
Taz: Oh joy, and it had to be you that wrote this...  
Jo: Well you provided the inspiration.  
Taz: Meh, just get on with it!

It was just like any other normal day. (YEAH RIGHT, DEFINE NORMAL!)  
Jo and Taz were wandering down the street minding their own business when suddenly a loud unusal grinding sound broke the quiet of the day.  
"Duck!" Yelled Jo as a huge spinning blue box flew towards them.  
"Where?" Asked Taz looking round, only to be hit in the head by the large object and knocked flying some fifty feet down the street.  
Jo raced over to her friend and pulled her upright, shaking her like a rag doll.  
"Mummy, is daddy home from work yet? I wanna go to the cinema to watch Bambi." Came the reply from the dizzy red head.  
"Oh my God she's got brain damage!" Shrieked Jo as she dropped Taz back on the floor with a thud.  
Turning round she noticed the mysterious blue box had landed a few feet away.  
"Right," She snarled rolling up the sleeves on her hoodie. "No one gives Taz a beating except me!"  
She marched up to the blue box and pounded on the wooden doors. "You better have said your prayers pal cos I'm gonna..."  
She stopped ranting and stood gawping as a handsome guy in a brown suit answered the door.  
"Do you mind. pounding the door like that?" He asked raising an eyebrow.  
"Fuck me it's David Tennant!" Squealed Jo.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Why you farted or something?"  
The Doctor blinked and shook his head, who the hell was this crazy woman?  
"Oi I want a word with you!"  
"Taz, look its David Tennant!" Squealed Jo as she turned and saw an angry dishevelled Taz marching towards her.  
"I don't give a fuck if it's David Tennant or David Attenbrough, he tried to kill me!"  
The Doctor's eyes widened in terror.  
"Oh I'm so sorry about that..." He said quickly, trying to think of a way to appease the angry red head. "Anything I can do to make it up to you?"  
"Can I have an autograph?" Smiled Jo.  
"You what?" Yelled the Doctor, backing away and trying to close the TARDIS door, but finding Taz's foot in the way.  
"Shut up Jo," Snapped Taz forcing her way into the TARDIS, suddenly stopping when she realised where she was.  
"Whoa, you don't see anything like this on cribs!"  
"Who the hell are you two? Get out of my TARDIS!"  
"Ooohh cool I found a wallet!" Said Jo, picking up a black leather flip pad.  
"Oh my God you perv!" She snapped walking up to the Doctor and slapping him round the face.  
"What was that for?"  
"Taz this guys a perv." Said Jo, pretending to be innocent. (ME INNOCENT...YEAH RIGHT!)  
She showed Taz the psychic paper and giggled as her eyes nearly popped out of her skull.  
"Oh I am so gonna sell this story to OK Magazine."  
"What?"  
"Hey Taz, do you think he's actually, you know...the Doctor."  
Taz laughed and patted Jo on the back like a parent would a small child.  
"You need to stop eating cheese before going to bed."  
Jo stuck her tongue out and walked off round the TARDIS console.  
"Oh what does this button do?"  
"NO!"  
The TARDIS lurched into life and started throwing its owner and unwanted passengers this way and that.  
"What have you done?" Yelled the Doctor, running back to the console and trying to re-claim control of his ship.  
"Ooh you in trouble!" Laughed Taz as she calmly sat down in the pilots seat and folded her arms.  
"Any chance of a cup of tea?"

Doctor: Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret agreeing to this?  
*Jo and Taz snigger in the background*


	2. Chapter 2

Jo and Taz's Adventures In Time and Space Part Two.

Jo: Let the mayhem continue!  
Taz: Yay fun time!  
Doctor: Kill me now...  
Taz: Won't you just regenerate?  
Doctor: ¬ ¬' good point.

The TARDIS landed with an unceremonious bump.  
"Well we've stopped." Said the Doctor looking to see Jo and Taz clinging to the large coral structures and shaking like mad.  
"Erm that's nice." Said Jo nervously. "We'll just wait here for you."  
"No you won't!" Snapped the Doctor, he grabbed Jo by her waist and tried to prise her from the structure.  
Jo instinctivly wrapped her legs round the structure, pulling the Doctor forward so his groin connected with her rear end.  
"RAPE!" Squealed Jo, trying hard not to smile at the thought of what he might be hiding in his trousers.  
"It's only rape if you don't want it." Snorted Taz.  
"He touched my arse with...well whatever it is!"  
Taz's puppy brown eyes bulged.  
"Oh for crying out loud, I didn't touch you." Snapped the Doctor trying in vain to prise Jo's legs apart from the coral structure.  
"Oh Hello," Smiled Jo. "If you wanna shag me you only have to ask."  
"I give up!" Tutted Taz.  
"That's the first thing you've said that i agree with." Said the Doctor, shocked by what he had just said, before smirking and replying. "You get her down."  
Skipping merrily to the door Taz looked outside disappointed.  
"Jo you stupid bitch, we're still on Earth!"  
"Aw no fair." Moaned Jo sliding down the coral and exiting the TARDIS.  
"Phew." Remarked the Doctor. "Off you go now the pair of you."  
"Hey what day is it then?" Asked Taz.  
"Eighth of February, why?"  
"OOHHH PARTY NIGHT WITH PAUL AND THE GUYS!" Squealed Jo excitedly.  
"Huh?" Asked the Doctor trying to sneak back into the TARDIS only to be dragged back out and down the street.

*_A FEW HOURS LATER*  
_

"Come on you look great." Smiled Taz, standing by with a camera.  
"I look like a human." He retorted.  
"You say it like its a bad thing." Growled Taz.  
"I'll get him." Smiled Jo skipping happily back into the spare bedroom of her house and dragging the Doctor out behind her.  
"Say cheese." Smiled Taz, the bright flash of the camera nearly blinding the Doctor.  
"Let me see! let me see!" Giggled Jo.  
"Aw doesn't he look handsome?"  
The Doctor snatched the camera away from Taz and stared at it, his eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open, plus to add insult to injury, Jo had wrapped her arms round his neck and was making what looked like bunny ears behind his head.  
"Aw don't look so upset," Smiled Taz. "A few shots of black sambucca and you'll be fine."  
Jo laughed uncontrollably. "Oh no, I remember what happened last time you had black sambucca, you were asking for a doctor."  
"Yep," Smiled Taz gleefully. "Now we've got one!"  
"Good point." Smiled Jo cheekily.

The Doctor sat nervously on the bar stool with a banana daquiri infront of him and Jo and Taz either side of him.  
"Fucks sake Jo, Paul's time keeping skills are shit!"  
Jo nodded and downed her toffee flavoured vodka, not particulalry paying any attention. (As usual!)  
"Bloody gorgeous stuff." She smiled as she licked her lips and ordered another shot of the brown liquid.  
"Where's mine bitch?" Asked a voice the Doctor didn't recognise.  
Jo spun round to face a handsome young bloke with bleach blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a cheeky smile.  
"PAUL!" Squealed Jo as she jumped off her stool and glomped him, nearly knocking him off his feet.  
"Now's my chanec to escape while they're distracted." Muttered the Doctor, noticing Taz was pre-occupied hugging various other men that he didn't recognise.  
"Oi where are you going?" Yelled a demanding female voice.  
The Doctor spun round nervously to find Jo and Taz staring angrilly at him.  
"Who's your friend?" Asked Paul .  
"John Smith Hello!" Smiled the Doctor nervously.  
"So why are you sneaking off?" Asked Paul, he smirked and cuddled Jo.  
"Don't tell me you're scared of these two? They're a pair of pushovers!"  
The Doctor laughed nervously.

As the night went on and the alcohol started flowing, even the Doctor was feeling slightly tipsy and the nerves were starting to disappear and be replaced by a ruthless ambition to drink his human companions under the table.  
Jo smirked and looked at him across the table, a bottle of vodka in her hand, she had a cunning plan.  
"You want a drinking competition?" She smirked.  
The Doctor mirrored her smirk, he admired her determination even if she did scare the shit out of him.  
"Don't do it mate she's the town champion you'll only regret it in the morning." Said Paul.  
The Doctor smiled at him and raised his eyebrows.  
"Where I come from, they call me the oncoming storm, you're girlfriend is going down."  
Paul's eyes widened and Jo nearly choked on her drink.  
"Just for the record, Jo's not my girlfriend, we're just mates."  
"Oh you are gonna pay for that comment." Snarled Jo, giving the Doctor a death glare.  
The Doctor smiled and walked over to Jo, plonking himself on her lap, causing Taz's eyes to widen as she saw what was happening.  
"Then you won't mind if I do this."  
He grabbed Jo's head and forced a powerfull snog on her.  
Paul fell off his stool laughing, while Taz simply gawped open mouthed.  
Pulling away the Doctor smirked and looked at Jo, folding his arms.  
Jo smirked and nodded.  
"Mate, you just got yourself an arse kicking!"


End file.
